Joe Balaz
Six Hawaiian Islands Pidgin Pieces
PULLING DA THREAD
Da topic wuz extraterrestrials.
John—“I taught we finished talking about dis yesterday? Nobody is trying to contact us.
Radio waves are wun regulah part of da electromagnetic spectrum, along wit tings
like visible light (infrared, microwave, x-rays, etcetera), and detectable as such.
It’s not like we receiving radio broadcasts from aliens— And speaking of microwaves
I got some leftovahs to heat up.”
Kaleo—“I like my leftovahs cold. It depends on wat it is of course. I’ve nevah been much
foa heating someting back up.”
Gerald—“I love leftovah cold pizza in da morning. I wondah if aliens eat dis stuff too?”
Kaleo—“You nevah know. Dere’s wun unknown object in wun nearby galaxy dat started sending out radio waves. Da emission no look like anyting seen before. Maybe we should ask dem.”
John started rolling his eyes.
Gerald—“Unreal, brah. I can hear da beeps. And I also heard anadah story dat said dat it would take wun spaceship someting like seven million years to reach earth from da nearest star wit possible planets.”
Kaleo—“Dere you go. Dey left wen we wuz apes, and now dey stay among us! Heah comes da black monolith! Stanley Kubrick wuz right!”
John—“You guys are nuts. I already told you wat radio waves wuz wen we started dis conversation again. As far as 2001: A Space Odyssey goes, Arthur C. Clarke had someting to do wit it too. It’s just science fiction. You guys are wacked. Next ting you going tell me is dat da aliens made Stonehenge and da pyramids.”
Gerald—“Not only dat. Dey made da Aztec, Mayan, and Incan temples too. Dey wen infiltrate inside human bodies and made all da ancient mysteries dat modern man no can figure out. Den dey wen fly back to dere planet.”
Kaleo—“Maybe through wun black hole to da adah side of da universal fabric.”
John—“You guys are ridiculous.”
Gerald—“I no tink so, brah. All of us is just wun experiment. Wun cosmic ant farm foa da aliens to study.”
John—“Like I said, ridiculous. You guys theorize like wun couple of baboons.”
Kaleo—“At least we expand on da theories, brah. Imagination is wun amazing ting.”
Gerald—“Yeah, and since you mentioned it, da aliens wen put initial intelligence
into chimpanzees rather den baboons to get human evolution off and running.”
John—“Dats da stupidest ting I evah heard. Alien induced intelligence in chimpanzees. Den why did dey have to infiltrate human bodies latah?”
Gerald— “Dey had to keep helping us out along da way.”
Kaleo— “I could have used dat kine of help wit my latest tax returns.”
John—“Okay, dats it! Enough of dis dumb ass comedy routine! I can see dat both of you
have deteriorated even further den you usually do. It’s now my duty to digress from dis
silliness— Anybody up foa some ping pong in da recreation room?”
John eyeballed his two old friends in da retirement home.
Kaleo laughed and said— “Shoots! We go play.”
Gerald wuz smiling at John who used to be wun science teacher, and he just had to pull da thread wun last time—
“Sounds good to me. Den we can make believe dat da little white ball is wun alien satellite.”
Joe Balaz has composed works in American-English, Hawaiian Islands Pidgin English, music-poetry, and visual concrete poetry.
He was born and raised in the town of Wahiawa on the island of O'ahu in Hawai'i. He is presently living in Ohio.
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Six Hawaiian Islands Pidgin Pieces
PULLING DA THREAD
Da topic wuz extraterrestrials.
John—“I taught we finished talking about dis yesterday? Nobody is trying to contact us.
Radio waves are wun regulah part of da electromagnetic spectrum, along wit tings
like visible light (infrared, microwave, x-rays, etcetera), and detectable as such.
It’s not like we receiving radio broadcasts from aliens— And speaking of microwaves
I got some leftovahs to heat up.”
Kaleo—“I like my leftovahs cold. It depends on wat it is of course. I’ve nevah been much
foa heating someting back up.”
Gerald—“I love leftovah cold pizza in da morning. I wondah if aliens eat dis stuff too?”
Kaleo—“You nevah know. Dere’s wun unknown object in wun nearby galaxy dat started sending out radio waves. Da emission no look like anyting seen before. Maybe we should ask dem.”
John started rolling his eyes.
Gerald—“Unreal, brah. I can hear da beeps. And I also heard anadah story dat said dat it would take wun spaceship someting like seven million years to reach earth from da nearest star wit possible planets.”
Kaleo—“Dere you go. Dey left wen we wuz apes, and now dey stay among us! Heah comes da black monolith! Stanley Kubrick wuz right!”
John—“You guys are nuts. I already told you wat radio waves wuz wen we started dis conversation again. As far as 2001: A Space Odyssey goes, Arthur C. Clarke had someting to do wit it too. It’s just science fiction. You guys are wacked. Next ting you going tell me is dat da aliens made Stonehenge and da pyramids.”
Gerald—“Not only dat. Dey made da Aztec, Mayan, and Incan temples too. Dey wen infiltrate inside human bodies and made all da ancient mysteries dat modern man no can figure out. Den dey wen fly back to dere planet.”
Kaleo—“Maybe through wun black hole to da adah side of da universal fabric.”
John—“You guys are ridiculous.”
Gerald—“I no tink so, brah. All of us is just wun experiment. Wun cosmic ant farm foa da aliens to study.”
John—“Like I said, ridiculous. You guys theorize like wun couple of baboons.”
Kaleo—“At least we expand on da theories, brah. Imagination is wun amazing ting.”
Gerald—“Yeah, and since you mentioned it, da aliens wen put initial intelligence
into chimpanzees rather den baboons to get human evolution off and running.”
John—“Dats da stupidest ting I evah heard. Alien induced intelligence in chimpanzees. Den why did dey have to infiltrate human bodies latah?”
Gerald— “Dey had to keep helping us out along da way.”
Kaleo— “I could have used dat kine of help wit my latest tax returns.”
John—“Okay, dats it! Enough of dis dumb ass comedy routine! I can see dat both of you
have deteriorated even further den you usually do. It’s now my duty to digress from dis
silliness— Anybody up foa some ping pong in da recreation room?”
John eyeballed his two old friends in da retirement home.
Kaleo laughed and said— “Shoots! We go play.”
Gerald wuz smiling at John who used to be wun science teacher, and he just had to pull da thread wun last time—
“Sounds good to me. Den we can make believe dat da little white ball is wun alien satellite.”
NO MOA CHANCE Foa Jeremy C. Higa finding wun reason to be negative wuz about as easy as finding wun Mormon in Laie. It wuzn’t because he wuz Okinawan eidah. All dat stereotypical racism crap wuz from his grandparents generation wen da Japanees looked down on da Okinawans because dey wuz hairy and intellectually inferior. Jeremy wuz wun smart guy. It wuz just unfortunate dat he wuz wun “pessimist.” Imagine him at wun motivational seminar sitting in da audience listening to and commenting on wun highly optimistic speaker— “Aah, waste time. Dat stupid stuff not going work.” —Jeremy C. Higa in wun nutshell. It wuzn’t like he had wun bad life growing up. He wuz just wun moody guy dat liked to be by himself. And I no tink having wun common last name had anyting to do wit his disposition— Higa wuz just like Smith in Okinawan. Dats just da way he wuz. It’s hard to know how he got his prophet of doom complex. He wen “blossom” little bit wen he got oldah dough. Wen he wen show up foa wun pickup basketball game wit da guys Ronald wen kid, “Eh, heah comes Jeremy. I gaddah go stick wun heroin needle in my arm and go jump off of wun bridge.” I just laughed and I knew it wuzn’t dat bad. I would simply have to heah, “I no can dribble like you guys and I kannot shoot dat good.” Da negative monotone wuz all too familiar. Dats why it wuz amazing wen Jeremy got married to Nalani. Ronald wondered out loud, “How you figure dat? He end up wit wun nice sweet girl.” Nalani wuz positive too. High energy to Jeremy’s stick in da mud. Dey wuz wun odd couple foa sure. Her ting wuz she liked to go to Vegas. It’s unbelievable dat she got Jeremy to go wit her on one of her junkets even if she had to listen to— “Aah, waste time. I not going win anyway.” Jeremy wuz true to form dough. He lost at everyting he played. I wen tease Nalani wen dey got back, “Good ting he nevah hit wun jackpot. He would have dropped dead from shock and da buggah would have confirmed his luck.” Nalani smiled and joked as only wun married person could, “I can only wish, Dennis. Sometimes, I can only wish.” BLUE DIAMOND Pono looked at his hand and spread his fingahs like wun fan. Den he wen stare into his palm at all da lifelines and fronds. Dere wuz wun stirring in da breeze and coconut leaves wuz bending and refraining. Pono wuz on wun different island now as big as wun baseball mound inside wun blue diamond. Da ocean wuz just beyond all da nicely cut angles. He could see da currents moving but he couldn’t hear da sound of all da people dat wuz circling around in dere outriggah canoes. Dey wuz calling like seabirds looking almost like ghosts. Outside da snow wuz falling and wun squirrel wuz jumping from wun branch. Pono held his hand up to da light coming in from da window and it made wun fat silhouette against wun calligraphy of bare trees. Funny wat he wuz tinking about wen he wuz tinking about home. | MESSAGE FROM DA COCKPIT If da concept of being on top or in da forefront captivates you den bully foa you. We simply adding to wun ethereal cloud anyway. I understand ego and drive and da aerodynamics of ambition. Keep in mind dough dat everyone has wings even wun little sparrow. I can see plenty pilots puffing out dere chests and sputtering along in dere vintage biplanes attacking da blue and taking it all so seriously. Dats cool cause da air up heah is fine and wen I zip by in my supersonic jet I’ll wave and wish dem well. I’m not being judgmental or even inferring dat I’m above it all. . I’m just flying. Notice how dese continuous lines in da form of vapor trails are being left behind in da journey. It’s merely skywriting— I hope you enjoy da read. PINCH PENNY MODE I don’t know how I got heah but heah I am counting how many pinto beans I put into my potato soup. Pinch penny mode— So, dis is wat dey call wun “fixed budget.” Aftah da rent, electric bill, phone bill, and food expenses, I just cleah da monthly hurdle by da skin of my okole. Anyting else happen I stay in da red. Imagine wun anorexic Santa Claus holding wun empty bag— Dats me, braddah. One foot from da grave and anadah one from sleeping on da sidewalk. At least I got wun good dose of apathy to get me through da day. And too bad dese penny coins wuzn’t golden doubloons instead— Den I wouldn’t have to pinch myself to remind me dat I still stay heah. SOMETING STAY IN DA WINGS Weird? You tink Robert is weird? Not even close. Weird is molding tofu into da shape of wun vagina and tinking about tings you can do wit it. Go ask Gary about dat. But dats anadah story cause we talking about Robert. Braddah stay forming new priorities if you nevah notice. If he had to spend six months alone at wun research station in Antarctica he could do it wit no sweat. So, now you tinking he weird or maybe turning gay cause he nevah like check out da chick dat you wuz trying to fix him up wit. And no worry I not going tell anybody dats your cousin. It would help dough if she got her teeth fixed. But if you ask me I no tink she’s Robert’s type anyway. He looking foa someting all togettah different now. I know you going have trouble digesting dis taught but Robert is just not interested in one night fireworks anymoa. He wants some consistency. Look at him squinting at da morning sun— Just like he imagining somebody. Dat blazing ball ovah da horizon is rising into wun new day. Someting stay in da wings I can tell you dat. Twenty bucks I bet you Robert going see her pretty soon wen he least expects it. She going pop out of da periphery and into da light and braddah nevah going be da same again. |
Glossary shoots Laie okole | Okay; certainly. Town with a very large Mormon population. Buttocks. |
Joe Balaz has composed works in American-English, Hawaiian Islands Pidgin English, music-poetry, and visual concrete poetry.
He was born and raised in the town of Wahiawa on the island of O'ahu in Hawai'i. He is presently living in Ohio.